Gragruk's Waugh

Gragruk scraped a large chunk of rock across the blade of his heavy axe. Flinging the rock to one side (coinciding with a small squeak as it impacted against a small grot wandering nearby), he ran his warty green thumb across the blade. "Ahhh", he thought to himself, "rusty an' dull.. just the fing for smashin' those weedy 'ooman's."      Gragruk had been on this desolate desert world for a while now, and so far he had been zoggin bored. Nothing but sand and rock, and barely anything to smash, cept the gretchin he took to bootin' when they got too close. And even that got boring after a bit. What he really wanted was some 'ooman's to test his boot levver against, just to check that he hadn't lost his touch. Bootin' the odd gretchin was ok for some, but Gragruk wanted to feel the elation of opening up a enemy's skull just to check what colour their brains were... And it looked like soon his chance to it all again was coming soon.      It had been a month since Gragruk and his crew had smashed onto the planet. Whenever he thought of it he snarled. "Stoopid space-fings... Nevver enuff nailz in dem... Alwayz fallin' apart wen yer about to land in some nice peaceful 'ooman planet and cause some havok" he thought. The Space Hulk and Waargh he had been a part of, Waargh Gargrazz, was not too far off from a system that promised rich pickings and all the opponents you could bury your axe in. That was until they were about to go into "Zoggin' fast speed", and the accident occurred. "Axe-sea-dent my zoggin' squidgy bitz" said Gragruk out loud, "Mor like too many Squiggoths near dem fawlty elec-tricz". The Hulk wasn't too well looked after, and some sparks near the Squiggoth's pens caused a resultant explosion of methane that separated a large chunk of the Hulk, but also helped propell the enormous ship on its way to its destination. And just cause you're left behind, doesn't mean Gargrazz is going to swing around and pick you up to take with him.      So, after the crash, and the following brawl to decide who was going to be "Da Boss" (which Gragruk won by ripping the arms of the last contender against him for leadership, and beating him senseless with the soggy ends), Gragruk started collecting the boyz back together after the crash. His mind recalled his old Waargh buddyz; Raggut, the large ork nob who enjoyed seeing if it were possible to turn his opponents inside out and have them still be alive ("He wuz gettin' dere" thought Gragruk), now dead after learning that holding your breath in space may allow you to last a little longer, but not against the heat of re-entry. It was his fault though... Going outdoors because he saw a nice juicy squig floating by the window...; Gorslag, crushed to death by a large chunk of the hulk landing on him soon after he had just dug his way out of the last lot of wreckage; and of course Barkgutz, the sneakiest git in the whole of Waaargh Gargrazz. His died, according to Gragruk, by choking on a gretchin that was half-way down and carrying a blasta, which took his smarmy git like head right off at the shoulders. In reality Gragruk has stuffed his shoota into Barkgutz's open mouth after he found him rummaging through his gear, and pulled the trigger when Barkgutz couldn't muffle a good enough apology. "Serve's him roight, always nickin' bitz of me kit..." Gragruk thought, embedding his axe in a passing snot with an audible "splat".      "Gragruk! Gragruk!!" came a small sqeaky voice near him. It was snotrag, one of the gretchin Gragruk had fetch errands and run commands for him, since he had lasted longer that the other gretchin (mostly by dodging the grabbing hands that would have snagged him for a snack). He was jumping up and down excitedly. "Oi've got newz from dem, umm, sneaky gitz umm thingyz.. Yoo knowz... dem boyz who go about all quiet like... Dey sez dey kan see der 'ooman's camp and kan lead use dere in der next dayz or so... just fought yoo shuld know.." he said, panting somewhat. Gragruk smiled a huge teethy grin, and stood up off the large pile of scrap he was sitting on. Opening his mouth wide, he bellowed a huge roar that echoed across the entire camp. It was time to go to Waargh, and Gragruk and the rest of his boyz were ready as ever, many of them revving up their trukkz and trakkz to get on the move right at that moment.      Fearing for his safety, snotrag began to run back across the camp and to the little underground shelter he had made with some spikey bits of scrap to keep from becoming a meal. Gragruk, in a warlike mood, grabbed for his axe, eyeing the fleeing snotrag. It wouldn't move, being still embedded into the snot he had splatted, and the rock beneath it. He then remembered his shoota, and reached for it with his empty right hand...      Flinging the shoota hard, he watched it spiral through the air and smack with a nice crunching sound into the back of snotrags head, dropping him too the ground. "Dose Mek'boyz shure make dem shoota's good an' strong... Now.... Weriz me 'elmet..." said Gragruk, getting his gear ready and preparing to load up on his personal trukk. It was funny how the small things in life, like dead gretchin under your boot, were the best, he thought, as the trukk roared off. End.

Go back to da Ork Library

© 1998 ender99@earthlink.net