Da Piling of Green

by Chris Hutchings

Long ago, a manik warboss got it in his squiggly head that he would build a massive tower that would reach to the stars. Upon reaching said stars, that warboss claimed he would take on the great gods Gork and Mork in a gargantuan tussle.      The orks being the workaholics that they aren't made the decision to use ork bodies a natural one. Orks don't have the patience to build massive structures, especially tall ones. (If you put a good think bit to the idea of scaffolding you'll see how foreign the concept of it is to an ork-- building something to build something...) Besides, if there's one thing orks always have in supply, it's orks.      Having come to this conclusion, the warboss set to building his massive orkoid ladder. After countless attempts and many nights of brainstorming (which ammounted to far more effort than just building a scaffold), the orks finally completed the massive tower that stretched far up into the night sky.      On that triumphant night, the warboss climbed his tower with visions of greatness flailing in his head. Reaching the top after a long climb, the warboss stood astride the wavering column of green and thumped his chest with his hamfists. He shouted into the night, "I am da ded 'ardest warboss to ever call da Waugh! I challenge da great gods Gork and Mork to da greatest pit fight dat wuz ever had!"      As his loyal following of boyz raised a great cheer, the tower began to shift and sway. Finally, a small yoof lost his grip and slipped from the tower. The tower began to disolve like a squig in hot oil. Green bodies tumbled and toppled and the vainglorious warboss slipped from his mighty perch as the tower collapsed.      After the fall, and after the painboyz looked to the maimed and injured, the warboss came to the distinct conclusion that he had built his tower in the wrong place. Despite his powerful challenge (that could obviously not be ignored by any ork) Gork and Mork were nowhere to be found.      So it took many more nights of thinkin' and ponderin' before a new solution was found. The warboss would build his mighty tower in the bed of a massive trukk. This way he could move his tower where ever he needed to go to find his most worthy of advarsaries. It would be a massive trukk built of the strongest bitz, forged in the hottest fires, and built with the most massively ooge exhausts that whole planets would be obscured by the smoke and noise they would belch forth. This would be the grandest chariot that would ever carry a warboss-- built by and of the orks of his Mob. This would be the waggon that defied the efforts of all that came before!      Wether that waggon was ever built, or wether that greatest of warbosses ever faced the twin gods has long since been lost in the mists of da Kulture, but to this day, ork warbosses are forever modeling their trukks after that first created by the legendary warboss. Da biggur, da betta. More boyz iz more dakka.      (Dat's why we orks pile all our boyz into da trukks. Anyfink less would be unorky!) End.

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