Hello,
For the last weekend in August, I was invited by the Rouge
Trader to join in what would be a mini list gathering in West
Virginia. The Guest List included Nick Thompson, Edwin Voskamp,
Josh Esso, and perhaps a few other lurkers. I wrote Edwin and
told him that I was looking forward to him being there, and
perhaps he would endulge me by letting me trounce his Eldar
with my WhiteScars.
This was several weeks before we were due up in the backwater
hell thats called West Virginia. Edwin, promptly agreed. He told
the Rouge Trader later in the week that he was hoping to drive up
to the gathering instead of fly, because he wanted to show Irishman
"me" how he could field an entire 3000 point Eldar army in Falcons,
and wanted me to tremble at his massive force. He also told the
Rouge Trader that I had formally chalenged him, (which I should have
known to never taunt Ed, even in jest) and he was looking forward
to taking me down.
So the gauntlet was thrown..............
Friday, the day before I left, I overlooked my armylist and
made some last minute changes. I wanted to have a strong balanced
tactical force, without any cheese. This is what I took:
5 Man tactical Squad Beta
5 Man Tactical Squad Delta
5 Man Assault Squad Theta
5 Man Assault Squad Io
5 Man Devistator Squad Omega
Dreadnought Shinsoru Kahn, with dual Heavy Plasma
Chapter Commander Akiria Kahn
Techmarine Brother Yu-Fen
Psycher-Monk Golgatha of the Green Robes
I figured this would give me the flexibility to deal with any panzy attack
that Edwin could throw at me. However, I did not expect what happened next.
He didnt show..............
YEP! After ALL THAT TALK!, he didnt even SHOW UP!
I was heartbroken! Devistated! I almost turned to a life of intra-veinous
drugs and crime! The only way to apease my soul was to play the game anyway!
So without further ado.. here is the battle report I call....
"THE FALL OF EDWIN VOSKAMP"
Opening Fluff
-------------------------
It was a hot day on Igneous III, a small planet in the backwater of
the galaxy near the new chaos gate called "Virginia Westward". Chapter
Commander Akira Kahn, Lord Kahn of the White Scars chapter had been
traveling back from a marketing meeting at the imperial palace with his
personal bodyguard, when a distress signal came in.
(Static)... this is Igneous III, we have reports of a possible Eldar
activity on our planet.. (static) ...need help... (static) please
save sheep...
Akria Kahn jumped up! "To arms! For the Emperor well kick the tail of
those pointy eared interior decorators! Then off to the multi-leveled
pleasure panet of Horicon 5 for some good RnR!"
Techmarine Yu-Fen dropped his multidimentional Rubix Cube and jumped
into the driver's seat. Dropping out of warp, he slammed
Vagner's Flight of the Valkaries into the 8-track (imperial tech is old
remember?) and spun the Fiery Phoenix down twards the planet's surface.
The setup.
--------------
Well since Edwin didnt SHOW UP! I rolled the dice for him, and won
the choice of deployment zone. The table was set up mostly clear with
a large barn in the center of the table, a large woods with a center
clearing to the right, and some rocky clifs to the left.
I took the side with less cover, since I figured those same-sex lovin
eldar would be comming towards me on those jet-bigwheels and I wanted
as much space to heavy bolter them into oblivioin.
After a tie, I won the chance to go first!
Marine Turn one
--------------------------------------------
"Omega, Beta and Delta.... DIG IN! Cried Akiria Kahn. Myself and
Squads Theata and Io will search those woods over there.
Yu-Fen stick with Shinsoru Kahn. He is 600 years old and tends to
pee oil on himself. Sorcerer Golgotha, go check out those rocks
5 clicks to the northwest."
Both Tactical Squads and the mainly Heavy bolter Devistator squad
went on overwatch.
Assault Squads Theta and Io, accompanied by Commander Akira jumped
to the edge of the woods on the right for cover.
Dreadnought Akiria Kahn also went on overwatch, and as usual the
techmarine hid behind it, hoping to survive any critical explosion
the Dreadnought might have.
Marine Psychic Phase
---------------------------------------------
The Sorcer Monk Golgotha cast a scan on the rock formation but
was almost sucked into the warp, as there was no shooting in
the first phase and I played Demonic Attack on myself out of boredom.
Eldar Turn One
---------------------------------------------
Nothing
Marine Turn Two
---------------------------------------------
With great paterning, Both Assault Squads manage to jump over the
woods and into the clearing practicaly on the other side of the board.
One Marine scatters into the woods and dies after a particularly pointy
pine tree permanently cleanses any demonic impurity out of his colon.
Tactical Squads Beta and Delta continue to wait for signs of the
enemy. Devsitator Squad Omega takes pot shots at the Dreadnought with
their heavy bolters, since they know is armor is reinforced and they
cant penetrate it anyway.
Unfortunaly the whole thing Scares Dreadnought Shinsoru Kahn so much
he oil pee's himself. Techmarine Yu-Fen gets his Space Mop.
*Space Mop: Wargear Card 5points. The bearer of this
technological marvel can pull liquids from almost any
non porus surface. Its enhanced technical design was
created by the Adeptus Mechanicus and allows you to empty
the liquids into a containment field by pulling
a lever so your hands never get dirty*
Eldar Turn Two
------------------------
Nothing
Marine Turn 3
-----------------------
David "Rogue Trader" comes in from arguing with his father about
the state of the boat were about to race in this afternoon. Looking
around and noticing that Edwin was a Yeller son of a Limey and didnt
show up he places two Ambuls on the table and walks off.
"Two blips 1.5 Klicks to the west" Reports Veteran Seargent Chien of
Devistator Squad Omega. Measure Targers on my mark. FIRE!"
The 4 heavy bolters get a total of 20 on the susstained fire dice
with no jams! The first ambul drops like a piano in a bad cartoon.
The second one roars in pain and rushed twards the dreadnought.
Two max power heavy plasma shots later, and the second ambul is
about meduim well to well, and smoking nicely.
Tactical Squads Beta and Delta place their guns where they can be
reached easily and take out their Q-rations. 30 grams of the
Emperor's finest cuisine, all in dehydrated powders.
Commander Akiria Kahn, finding no sign of the enemy orders the
two Assault Squads to find out if there are any life signs in
the barn.
Marine Psychic Phase Three
---------------------------------
Sorcerer Monk Golgotha tunes in on 1950s rogue radio tranmsissions
and gets re-runs of "I love Lucy". DAMN! He mutters! Ive allready
heard this episode. Fred and Ethel should be burned by the inquisition.
Eldar turn Three
---------------------------------
Nothing
Marine Turn Four
---------------------------------
Assault Squads Theta and Io storm the barn, only to find a farmers family.
The three young females between the age of 17-25 are strip searched
and confiscated for possible contaminaton. Commander Akiria kahn
personaly beams back to the ship with them for further interrigation.
Techmarine Yu-Fen throws some potatoes and carrots on the Ambull and
prepares the "Emperor's Secret Sauce"
*Emperors Secret Sauce: Wargear Card 10 points.
This concoction when applied to both sides of
cooking meat will grant the eater unholy strenght, burining
lips, a runny nose and teary eyes. It consists of
5 parts Tears of the Emperor, Two parts Tomato Sauce, Honey,
Spices, and artificial Smoke Flavoring"
Tactical Squads Beta And Delta get out the Space Beach Blankets and
Space Volleyball net. They break out the portable 8-track and slam
in some groovin devotional chants.
Sorcerer Monk Golgotha finds some strange indeginous mushrooms with
white stems, red caps and funky white spots on them. He collects these
to further his "Psychic Research"
Eldar Turn Four
-------------------
Nothing
Game Summary
-------------
Well tacticaly I think I did very well. And I dont think it matters
much if Edwin was really playing or not, as the outcome of the game
would have probably been the same. I wish that I would have killed the
Ambulls earlier, so that they could have been compleately roasted by
the end of Turn Four, but thats what this game is all about..... learning
from your mistakes. I would like to personally Not thank Edwin for
Not making the game one of the most fun I have ever played.
End.
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