Standings as of 8/31/05







































Week 6 Schedule – 09/01/05


7:30pm: Tang @ Whackers

8:30pm: Ace Of Base @ Cheerleaders

Bye: Greenorrhea


A Note From Your Newsletter Editor 


Howdy everyone!

Two hot topics this week: The Whackers’ meltdown at the hands of Greenorrhea, and the division bar.  Check out the game recap, and flip to page 3 for The Great Yankee Doodle Debate 2005.  As always, if you have a comment or opinion, write us at

Keep on kickballin’,

Lisa K.




Lots of stuff being planned … but still in the “Working out the details” stage.  We promise that next week there will be lots of info about the Mid-Season Karaoke for Charity event, and more details on the Home Stretch Air Hockey Tourney.  We MAY even have some details for you on our inter-division End-Of-Season Prom (yes, that’s right, I said PROM).  Stay tuned!!




On the radio… oh whoa-oh-oh-oh… On the radio… (sorry, I looove to e-sing)


This Saturday, September 3 fellow kickballer Tiffany Ficklin will be a guest on Monster Radio with "The Big Schwag" at about 5:15 pm PST.  Listen in online at  Call into the show to win cool stuff and help keep the interview entertaining.  They will keep us on as long as it makes for good radio; so spread the word help blow up WAKA numbers for our next season. 


Roundtable Picks – Week 5 


With Vincent Muscatelli, G-spot, Dan “Ride ‘em Cowboy” Cooley & Pickbot 3000 (v2.4)

Hey folks pretty exciting stuff last week.  Tang winning and not beating the spread is the only thing keeping me solvent after the bloodbath that was the Whackers.  Pickbot said there was a tie for the Whackers but the thing must have been off by a week.  Helmut’s stuck in Germany so Giuseppe is filling in again.  And since the Cheerleaders are playing this week, (what a surprise) Dan Cooley is back.  Let’s get to the picks.

Game one - Tang @ Westside Whackers

Vinny: Greenorrhea! GREENORRHEA!!!  Oh Whackers what are you doing to me, ya freaking bums.  How in the hell do you let Greenorrhea tie up a game with you?  Normally I would think you’d come back kicking in this game to at least save some face but I’m going with Tang.  TANG

Dan Cooley: I heard that Carey Melton thinks the team picked to win is cursed.  Hell that’s a bunch of hogwash, they just got their fannies tanned. But even so I think the Whackers are gonna stampede all over Tang.  WHACKERS

G-Spot: Yo yo yo, Uncle Vin it’s G-Spot yo, git it straight. Whackers are suckas if you ask me.  I thought they was gonna bust a cap and all they done was be punk ass biyatches.  I’m goin with Tang cuz I love me some Tang booyah!  TANG

Pickbot 3000 v2.4:  Processing … Tang -1

Game 2 -  Ace of Base @ Pregnant Cheerleaders

Vinny: The first time these teams met the record of most points scored in a game was broken. I don’t think that’s going to happen this time but I am pretty sure the Cheerleaders will win another one.  CHEERLEADERS

Dan Cooley: Wheweeeeee The cheerleaders are back and they are ready to wrangle up another win against Ace of Base. Pat Sattler has his team working overtime to keep on winning and he is one hombre who is good at his job.  Win it for me Pat!.  CHEERLEADERS

G-Spot: Yo Uncs wuz dis foo talking ‘bout? He some fancy boy or sumptin? He talking bout that captain like love him or sumptin.  Yo I think the Cheerleaders is good and all but I don’t want to be wit their captain or nuttin.  ???

Pickbot 3000 v2.4:  Processing data… Cheerleaders -2



Week 5 Recaps 


Game 1: Tang 4, Ace of Base 2


Christiana from Tang writes:

Agressive base running is the name of the game.  Matt Levin scores the first run of the game by listening to this third base coach and taking off to home.  He'll return the favor to another player later.  Taking the field, Tang's noramlly tight defense was a little shaky and Ace of Base scored two runs to make the score Tang 1, Ace 2.  A scoreless second inning and Tang gets some runners on base.  Matt Simpson scores and the game is tied.  Both teams have tight defense and Tang pops up too many balls to get on base in the 4th.  Top of the 5th and Tang has two runners on and two outs.  Todd Pickenpaugh steps up to the plate and points out to right field. (Ok, he didn't really point, but it adds to the story.)  He kicks a beautiful line drive in the gap into the grass behind first base.  Ben Keiden scores.  Danielle Lacharite makes it to second and her third base coach, Matt Levin, tells her to keep running.  Ace throws it to third base as Danielle hustles to outrun the throw.  But Ace bobbles it and Danielle asks Matt "Should I run?"  His answer "Hmm.ok" She takes off and scores.  Tang wins the game 4-2.


Molly from Ace of Base says:

Any game that starts with both teams witnessing a neighborhood 6 cruiser cop chase is bound to be tense and high on the adrenaline.  Couple that with a hazardous outfield, a rough as stone infield, and a strip show performed by one of the residents of the park, and you’ve got yourself a tough game.  The game was closer than the score would make you think, Tang and Aces were tightly matched and it was a good game.  Top of the first, Tang scored once, but then Brendan (aka Mr. Belding) made a Jerry Rice finger tip catch 3rd out.  Both Darren (Leisure Suit Larry) and Veronica (Hello Nurse) made it home.  Tang was able to tie it up, but with the help of 3 outs in 2 innings by Erin (Posh Spice) and a somersaulted catch by Jason (Kenneth Starr), they didn’t score again until the 5th inning.  In the top of the 5th, Tang was able to score 2 runs.   At this point in the game, another cop chase would have been really useful in order to distract Tang’s defense.  But, unfortunately, the police had moved further down the street to start performing random DUI checks. 


Cheerleader’s “Big Papa” writes:

Bye Week!  The Cheerleaders celebrated the 4-0 Westside start by taking the road show to Hollywood to win a game there.  We will be back and sober as ever [ed note: ie, not sober at all] in week six to take on the Swedish Super Band.





Game 2: Westside Whackers 5, Greenorrhea 5


Whacker Cap’n Carey writes:

The Westside Whackers jumped out to a commanding lead in the top of the second when Mike Fratarcangeli hit a three run home run.  The Whackers exited the inning with a 5-0 lead.  However, in the fourth inning, the Whackers were left blue; balls just wouldn't bounce the Whackers way.  Instead, the Whackers lost their grip on the lead and allowed Team 5 to score five runs to tie the game.  Team 5 threatened again in the fifth.  With no outs, and runners on first and second, the Whackers were able to get two force outs at third base.  Johnny Smith then ended the game, and any chance of a Team 5 rally, by lining out right to the pitcher. 


Editor’s Note:  The Whackers were so stunned to have dropped a 5-0 lead that their initial recap submission was simply:



So hurt.



A poem by Carey Melton


Greenorrhea’s Victor Lombardi adds…

Greenorhea ekes out a non-loss!!!  Yes, it was clear from the start of Thursday's game against the Westside Whackers that Greenorhea's luck had changed.  The smell of the ocean actually overpowered the smell of urine at the field, the CD player was louder and more precisely programmed for each kickers song, and Greenorrhea had three runners on base in the first inning.


Perhaps a bit too intoxicated by the success of the first inning, the team seemed to return to their old ways with many fielding errors in the second inning, allowing the Whackers to score five runs.  However, Greenorrhea is not a team to get too easily dejected.  We turned up the CD player, and got two more runners on base.  But a close play at third base caught the ump sleeping and, perhaps seeing that Greenorrhea is not a team that is easily dejected, the ump flipped a coin and made the call in favor of the Whackers, crushing the second inning rally.


The rally finally came in the fourth inning.  The Whacker's defense crumbled under the pressure of the singing and dancing in the Greenorrhea dugout.  Greenorrhea put runner after runner on base, and with some heads-up base running by Victor, Brian, and Sarah, five runs soon crossed the plate.

After the top of the fifth inning, because of some confusion (that's confusion--not attempted cheating...really) on the part of the scorekeepers there was a premature celebration by the Greenorrhea team of their 5-3 victory.  However, once the facts were all ironed out, we settled for the tie.





The emails have been flying… you’ve heard from your captains, you’ve heard it in the newsletter… we want you at our division sponsor bar.  Once the contract’s been signed (and it has), there’s no turning back.  Your Dogtown board, who loves you and wants you to be happy, encourages you to make the best of what might be a less-than-ideal situation, and come join the fun.  The letters below are just a smattering of the chattering we’ve been hearing.

An Open Letter to the League but really only to one team.

A few weeks ago we were subjected to a plea from the captain of Tang imploring us to put the “Kick” back in “Ball”.  I think we’ve answered that request as best we can; scoring is at an all time high in the league.  Now I’d like to talk about taking the “Bar Snob” out of “Kickball”

If you’ve had a tough day at the office, quarry, robot factory, etc.  I can understand if you can’t make it out to the bar after the game.  I cannot understand it when people make a team decision to boycott the league bar because they don’t like it.  You don’t go to the bar for the ambience; you go to have drinks with the league.  It’s where we go to taunt the people we just beat, to commiserate with the other losers of the night, and to scam on the other teams’ women.

So when you boycott Yankee Duddles because you don’t like it or think it’s cheesy you aren’t boycotting the league.  You’re boycotting your fellow kickballers, and that ain’t gonna win you no spirit award chumps.

Signed, Kevin “I’m Awesome Cause I go to the bar” Meister


…One of the major problems that the fledgling leagues have run into is finding a host bar that fits a lot of the criteria that we look for.  Is it close to the field?  Is there enough parking?  Do they have any food available to the starving kickballers?  Are they willing to offer any kind of discount or specials?  So now it came down to trying to find bars, in a short amount of time, which fit this need.

                Life tells you that you can’t please everyone all the time.  That’s no secret.  But why would entire teams not go to the bar?  Are they recovering alcoholics?  Do they have a fear of enclosed fun places?  Or do they just have a problem with that bar?  My hope is that people would go to the bars to just meet everyone else and have a good time.  And then next season, they would help in finding a bar that suits them or their team.

                On the average, I would bet that most kickball players average 1 ½ hours at the field and 3+ hours at the bar each week.  Why would someone want to go to a bar with a couple people they ALREADY know when they could go to one with 40+ players and maybe meet someone new?  Social anxiety?  You prefer a boring time?  You think a large man from the Midwest resembling Barney will hit on the women from your team?  (He will, don’t be fooled)

                Seriously people, let’s try to put the SOCIAL back into a co-ed social league.  If you have any questions, please have your entire teams take them up with me in person.  On most Wednesday nights I can be found at Big Wang’s in West Hollywood, and Thursday I can be found at Yankee Doodle’s in Santa Monica.

                                      Bottoms up!

                                                    Pat Sattler


Ok, Yankee Doodle's.  I know.  I cried when I heard the decision too.  Growing up here in Santa Monica I suffered through the cheesy cable commercials (not nearly as bad as the Topper's one though!).  And then as I began to drink (as a minor) I would go there because they wouldn't card.  It was bad then!  And as time went on it got cheesier and cheesier, I wouldn't be caught dead in that joint.  But here I am, a bit older, a bit snottier and a kickballer.  Emphasis on kickballer.

Yes, my next sentence is all based upon make believe nonsense in my mind but hear me out.  Rule number 1: You go to the division bar no matter what.  The bar is there to bring your team together and the division.  For Christ's sake, it's a time to bond (and to become an alcoholic)!!!  So, let's get out there and support each other and our division!  I know it may be painful, but they have given us a great 2 for 1 drink special and half off on appetizers!  I love me some beer and mozzarella sticks after a game!

See ya there, Amy

Sound like the Pregnant Cheerleaders are picking on you?  They are.  [ed note: exit journalistic integrity] We put up our numbers at the bar every week, and we look forward to carousing with the other Dogtown teams at YDs.  Hey, we didn’t inspire (and win) the WAKA Hollywood Spirit Award by being antisocial (or sober!).  You break our hearts when you don’t show up.  We know you have your reasons, and maybe they’re good ones.  So, at the very least, why don’t you come out to Yankee Doodle’s this week and talk to us all about how wrong we all are.  Bring that hot guy on your team… I wanna meet him.